A Normal Meeting
by EllieRose101
Summary: When he's called to a meeting with his daughter's school guidance counselor, Spike finds himself very taken with the young blonde. (All human fic, with equal parts sass and soppiness – what else would you expect, from Spike and Dawn being an official family unit?)
1. School Hard

School Hard

Spike was woken by the sound of the food processor being switched on. The sound didn't sit well with his hangover.

"Dawn!" he yelled, then winced at the sound of his own voice.

"Here!" she said, coming into the living room and setting a mug of coffee down beside where he was sprawled on the couch. "Your snack's gonna take a little longer."

"Why aren't you at school?"

"Because it's Saturday, ya big goon!"

"Oi! Don' talk to yer old dad like that."

"Why?" she asked, with a pout.

"Because." He stated, flatly, and then lay back down clutching his head.

"Whatever," Dawn exclaimed, heading back towards the kitchen.

Once her dad was fed and watered she decided to break the news.

"You, uh…" she began, while picking at her shirt, and paying it close attention. Immediately Spike was on high alert. He could read her like a book, after all.

Turning off the TV, and gently titling her chin until she looked him in the eye, he asked what was going on.

"About school… You maybe need to come in with me, for a meeting."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Maybe?"

"Uh huh."

"Care to tell me what for?"

"Oh," she shrugged, "Nothing much. Just a normal meeting."

"Right," he said, skeptically. "An' when is this normal meeting, then?"

"Kinda nowish. We're a bit late."

"Blood hell, Dawn!"

The girl stood up and put her hands on her hips. "What? It's not my fault you were hung-over!"

"Well, no, but if I'd known I woulda-"

"Whatever. You good enough to drive?"

"'m fine," he insisted, snatching up his keys.

Dawn went to move past him, to the door, but he snagged her arm to pull her into a hug.

"Don' need to act so tough for my benefit, Niblet," Spike whispered into her hair.

The girl smiled, then swatted his shoulder. "Stop being mushy."

"Never," he replied, with a smile of his own, as he released her.

* * *

><p>Spike was staring at Dawn's guidance counselor like she was an angel. The girl rolled her eyes, then snapped her fingers in front of his face.<p>

"Spike, hello? Spike!"

"Huh? What?" he shook his head. "Not so loud!"

There was more eye rolling from the teen. She then looked at her counselor, gestured back at her dad, and said, "This is Spike."

"Uh, hi," he said, timidly.

Reversing the looks and gestures, she then completed the introductions. "Spike, this is Buffy."

"Nice to meet you," said Buffy.

She was actually blushing. Dawn couldn't believe it. What was with adults and being all annoyingly cute and obvious? She slumped down in a chair loudly, breaking the spell.

Buffy looked at her. "You call your dad by his first name?"

Dawn shrugged. "Everyone else does."

Well, she shouldn't argue with that. Her eyes returned to the hansom man sat across from her.

"And is Spike your real name?"

"It's what everyone calls me," he reiterated.

"Right. Are you Dawn's biological father?'

"Bloody hell!"

Buffy went red in the face again – annoyed with her lack of tact. "Sorry, Mr, uh…"

"Jus' Spike is fine."

The counselor nodded. "Mr Spike. I mean-" she slapped her forehead, then wiped her brow with the back of her hand. It was a long time since she remembered being so flustered.

"Sorry, Spike," she began again. He was smirking at her. "It's just that you seem so young, to have a teenage child."

"Thanks for the complement, pet."

"A-a-and Dawn's mother?"

The girl snorted, and both of them looked at her.

"Cecily hasn't been around in forever," she informed Buffy. "And if you think the freak show of growing up with Drusilla as a step-parent for ten years counted you're as insane as she is."

"Hold your tongue!" said Spike.

"Make me!" she replied.

The man deflated a little, under her harsh stare, then turned to Buffy and said, "You'll have to excuse the Bit. Hasn't had the best time with female company."

"The Bit?" Buffy asked, confused. "Bit of what?"

Spike shrugged. "Me, I guess. It's jus' a pet name. Nevermind, why am I here on a Saturday? I'm missing Passio-" he coughed when Dawn hit him in the ribs. "I mean, motorsport."

Buffy looked back at Dawn, who was smiling innocently at her. "You didn't tell him?"

"Tell me what?"

"Dawn's here because she's been late for every class this semester so far."

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed again. "That's a lot, right?"

Ignoring his ignorance, Dawn countered by saying, "I don't see what the big deal is. You said school was just a factory spewing out mindless little automatons."

Buffy raised her eyebrow at Spike. The look would have brought a lesser man to his knees. He gulped, then answered his daughter. "I _also_ said those automatons went on to became valuable, productive members of society, and that you should go."

"I did go! Y'know, eventually…"

"Dawn, Spike, I need to look at how we can address this behavior."

Spike held up his hand, to indicate he would deal with it. "Damn well go to school," he said to Dawn. "And on time!"

The girl crossed her arms, pouted, then said, "Fine."

"Sorted," Spike concluded, with a look of triumph on his face, as if he expected Buffy to award him a cookie for his success.

"I don't think-" she began to say, at which he deflated a little.

In earnest he assured her that if Dawn was given a week, she would prove that the issue was settled.

"Dawn, are you really going to be on time?" Buffy asked her.

"I said, fine, didn't I?"

Spike give her a small shove, and her insincere smile came back on. "I mean, yes, Miss Summers."

"Uh, good," said Buffy. "Report back to me in a week, then."

"Great, sounds good," Spike told her, standing to his feet. "A week from now at my place. Uh, our place. I mean- me and Dawn, here. We can have a catch up over dinner. Talk about how brilliant my girl is."

The counselor went back to blushing and incoherent yammering.

"See you in a week, Buffy," said Dawn, pushing her dad out into the corridor as she loudly exclaimed about how embarrassing he was.

Buffy sank down in her seat, once the door closed, and said to herself, "Oh boy."

_To be continued... _


	2. First Date

First Date

"How's my hair?" Spike asked Dawn, as he fiddled with it in the mirror.

"Unchanged since the seventies," she replied.

"Funny. Hey," he turned to look at her. "You're gonna be nice to yer teacher tonight, right?"

"She's a guidance counselor, not a teacher, and yes. Good as gold, I swear."

"That's my girl!" he beamed, before returning to his reflection.

The door went. Spike opened it, and his smile got even bigger.

"Miss Summers," he said, offering her his hand. "Don't you look a treat?"

She blushed. "Call me Buffy, please."

"Sure thing, sweets."

Dawn came back up the hallway, then.

"Told him the verdict, yet?" she asked.

Spike looked confused for a moment, then remembered the pretext for Buffy being there. He looked at her expectantly.

"Dawn has not been at all of her classes on time," she told him.

Both Spike and Dawn's faces fell, but she continued. "She's been_ early_."

"Ha! Yes!" the girl exclaimed, doing a little dance. "In your face. You_ totally_ owe me five bucks."

Her dad glared at her.

"Oh, umm… I mean, no. You would never bet on your only daughter's education. Or even at all, because gambling is wrong, and you wouldn't want to set said daughter a bad example. I'm just going to be in the kitchen, getting your starter."

After Dawn's swift exit Spike and Buffy moved into the dining room.

"She's a good kid," he was saying.

"Not a kid!" Dawn yelled from the kitchen, which made her counselor grin.

"You're very good with her," she commented. "You two are close."

"Course we are, it's how dad's are, init?"

"Oh, not all dads, believe me."

"Sorry, pet."

She looked embarrassed at having implicitly told a practical stranger about her own poor father figure. Trying to shift the conversation away from herself, she asked how long it had been just the two of them.

"A while," he admitted. "Few years."

"That can't have been easy, for either of you."

Spike shrugged. "We manage."

"What happened?" Buffy asked, almost instantly regretting it. She wasn't usually so forward.

"They cheated," Spike told her, bluntly. "That is the Bit's mum, and Dru – my other ex."

"Marriage break up can be tough," Buffy said, again from personal experience.

"Didn't marry either of them," she was informed.

"Oh. Right, sorry."

"'s okay. How's about a lighter topic?"

"Sure," she replied, smiling as he poured her some wine. "What do you wanna talk about?"

Spike leaned in conspiratorially close and asked, "Do you watch Passions?"

* * *

><p>Despite the slight awkward conversation to begin with, the date that wasn't officially a date was going well. Spike had made Buffy blush six times – he counted – made her almost choke twice, on a rude comment his brain failed to filter out, and she'd only offended him three times. A roaring success, if ever there was one.<p>

Dawn was apparently getting bored playing hostess, and decided to start playing the drums on the kitchen counter using various utensils instead. Spike excused himself, to inform her that she'd got the beat slightly off and should try the ladle, instead of the wooden spoon, to correct it.

"That's, uh… not exactly what I expected," mumbled Buffy, when he returned.

"She's good, right?"

"Well, yeah, actually. But, you let her do that?"

Spike shrugged. "If it sounds alright, what's the harm?"

She found she couldn't find an answer to that. Honestly, the girl did have rhythm.

"I keep tellin' her she should start a band, but you know kids, never bloody listen."

Buffy smiled. It was obvious that Dawn adored her father, and would walk to the moon and back for him – complaining sarcastically all the way, of course. She gave a wistful sigh, thinking about how it would be nice to have a family like that. When she stopped daydreaming she saw Spike was looking at her again, with those amazingly bright blue eyes of his.

"More wine, pet?"

"I really shouldn't. Make for a sloppy drunk."

He was gonna say one more half-glass couldn't hurt, but then he hesitated. "You're over twenty one, right?"

"Yes," Buffy assured him, quickly adding, "But not by much."

"Sometimes I forget I'm not in the old country," Spike admitted. "Law is you have t' be eighteen, in England."

"Huh. Didn't know that. Have you lived in the US long? Dawn doesn't sound English at all."

"Ah, she wouldn't. Been brought up here all 'er life. My accent only seems to rub off on 'er when some wanker pisses her off enough to swear like a sailor."

Buffy stared at Spike, wide-eyed.

"I mean, not that she ever swears," he clarified. "Wine?"

"Thank you, but I really shouldn't. My mom's sick, and I should be getting-" she paused to look at her watch – "holy crap! I gotta go!"

Spike rose from his chair as she made a grab for her purse, under the table.

"Let me drive you," he said.

"No, it's fine, I'll get a cab," she said.

He finally gave up trying to convince her when she reminded him how much wine he had. Like the gentleman he was he offered to pay for it, though – borrowing the money he'd lost to Dawn back off her again to do so.

They agreed they'd see each other again.

_To be continued... _


	3. Bump in the Road

Bump in the Road

Spike and Buffy had been spending a lot of time together. Had been on lots of proper dates, some half-dates, and some other events disguised as dates. He'd sent roses to her work, and had made the principle jealous. Buffy hadn't even known her boss liked her in that way, beforehand. Things were going really well until, one night:

"I love you."

"What?"

"I said I love you."

"Oh. I… Spike-"

He closed his eyes. There was pain written all across his face. He'd had this conversation before – the exact same unpleasant response before – he just never expected it from her.

They were sitting on the couch, and they had been kissing, but now when she went to put a reassuring hand on his he pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Save it," he replied.

"No, I really am sorry."

"What is this to you? This thing we have?"

She hesitated.

"Do you even like me?"

"Yes! A massive yes to that question!" she insisted.

That made him feel better, but not much.

"Is it that I said it too soon?"

"No," she shook her head. "It's not that. It's not you, it's… well, me."

He groaned, and she apologized again.

"Okay, I know how that sounds but-"

Spike stood up. He couldn't carry on the conversation a minute longer. "Shall I drive you home?"

"Uh, no, it's okay. You've done enough. I should just go."

"I haven't been drinking," he reassured her. "Have cut way back, seeing as you don't like it. Is that the problem? 'cause I can stop."

"No, Spike, that's not-"

"What's going on?" asked Dawn, walking into the room. "Yeesh is there tension in here."

"It's nothin'," Spike told her.

"Nothing at all," Buffy confirmed. "I'm just going."

"What? Didn't you just get here?"

"I, uh… yes, actually."

"Dawn, the lady said she was going, you shouldn't question her."

"But-"

"Damn it, Dawn. Just drop it!" he snapped.

Both the girl and Buffy gasped. He never spoke to her like that. Ever. It was obvious he instantly regretted it, and he tried to apologize, but Dawn just shoved past him to go to her room.

Without another word, Buffy slipped out and left them to it. There were unshed tears in her eyes, as she made her way to hospital.

* * *

><p>"Hi mom," she said, trying to sound cheery. Knowing her daughter as well as she did, Joyce wasn't buying the act.<p>

"What's wrong?"

She was halfway through saying "nothing" when the classic mom glare stopped her. Deflating, she sat down and told her about this amazing guy she met.

The explanation was concluded with, "But it's too late, I've ruined it."

"I'm sure you can still fix it, sweetie," Joyce told her. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes," she admitted, quietly, while looking at her feet.

"Buffy, you shouldn't feel ashamed about wanting something."

"You're right," she agreed, aloud, but inwardly she wasn't sure about the words at all.

Joyce gave her hand a squeeze. "How come you didn't tell me this before?"

"Well, I… It's not important."

"Buffy-" she was getting the glare again.

"Okay, okay, so it's important to me. I don't know why I didn't say anything. I guess I just thought you had enough to be thinking about. God, what am I saying? You have a brain tumor and I'm complaining about the man of my dreams falling in love with me!"

"Man of your dreams, eh?"

Buffy shook her head and went back to her original stance. "Not important."

Joyce sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"You're going to get better, and come home with me, and teach me all those cooking skills that didn't get passed on naturally, and we're gonna be happy. Just you and me."

She said it so well, with such enthusiasm, that she almost convinced herself. Almost.

Joyce was giving her a pitying look now.

"Really mom, it'll all work out."

"Of course it will. I think I need more rest now. Would you mind getting the curtain?"

"Sure. I'll stop in tomorrow, after work."

"Thank you, Sweetie. Love you."

Turning her back, Buffy held back more tears and grit out the words, "Love you too," before making a swift exit.

Outside, as the cool air hit her face, she finally let the mask slip.

"I'm a terrible daughter!" she declared to the parking lot. "A terrible person!"

* * *

><p>The next day Dawn went to her guidance counselor's office.<p>

"Is everything okay?" Buffy asked her – trying not to convey her worry.

"No," the girl replied, simply – throwing her feet up on the desk.

"Right…" said Buffy. 'This is going to be a fun conversation,' she thought.

_To be continued... _


	4. Breakdown

**Author Note:** Epic angst warnings are in effect. I hadn't intended to include much, or even any, angst in this story but y'know how it goes... blame my muse. We'll be back to sass and soppiness soon, I promise.

* * *

><p><span>Breakdown<span>

"Is it 'cause of me?"

"What?"

"You and my dad breaking up, is it because of me?"

"Dawn, no. Of course not!" Buffy insisted.

"Then why?"

"Well, uh…"

The teenager was glaring at her – a cocktail of warring emotions locked in her eyes, just like her father's.

"I'm not a little kid, y'know. You can tell me."

"I know that. I just… it's hard, okay?"

"Okay," Dawn agreed, with a nod. "Fine. Whatever it is, I want you to know Spike's a good guy. The best, actually. Right now he's major upset, and nothing would make him happier than for you to sort it out."

Buffy was going to speak – tell her that she wasn't sure if things could be sorted – but Dawn wasn't done yet.

"The thing is," she continued, in a tone completely devoid of her usual sass, "I don't want you to get back together because you feel bad, or because it would make him feel good, for a little while. Only do it if you mean it, because otherwise he's gonna end up worse. If the problem really is me then tell me and I'll change, or something, and if it's because of him then I'm begging you for another chance. But…" she looked away, and then snapped her eyes right back up again and drilled them into Buffy's gaze. "Please don't hurt him anymore."

"Dawn, I-"

The girl shook her head and exited the office quickly – clearly annoyed with herself for betraying so much vulnerability.

After sitting there for a minute, unable to move or do anything, Buffy then sprung into action and went to exit the room just as swiftly. She bumped into the principal on her way, though.

"The school day's just started," he said with a frown as he eyed her coat and handbag in her hands. "Don't tell me you're leaving."

"Family emergency," she lied, but there was enough genuine inner turmoil conveyed in it that he believed her and let her go without another word. He even held the door for her.

* * *

><p>She had to see Spike. Buffy had no idea how he'd react, or even what she was going to say to him, but she had to see him.<p>

He wasn't drunk when she arrived, but the open bottle in his hand told her he was soon intending to be. They looked at each other as she moved past him into the hallway, and then they both looked down and gave into the awkward silence.

Buffy broke it first by saying, "I don't want to hurt you."

When Spike only grunted in reply she corrected herself. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Why did you?" he asked, earnestly.

"Because I'm a coward."

Despite his reservations, her simple statement made him pay attention to her. Made him more willing to at least hear her out. But there were no more words offered.

Clearly it wasn't easy for her, so Spike tried to ease the tension by gesturing to the living room and suggesting they sit to talk.

Buffy shook her head.

Spike snapped. "Bloody hell, give me something to work with!"

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you keep saying that."

"What else am I supposed to say?"

"Anything! I put myself out there and you've all closed up. Why won't you let me in?"

"Because I can't."

"Why?"

Buffy gave a half shrug and looked away.

"You're a damn infuriating woman, you know that? A bloody guidance counselor who has more issues than probably the teenage population of the high school put together!"

After a breath Buffy said, "Yeah. It's a fair estimation."

"Okay." Spike gave a deep sigh to try and relieve his frustration. "So askin' you why you're pushin' me away is too hard. Let me ask you why you're here. What do you want?"

"I…" she began – her voice trembling as she looked deep in his eyes again, and reached out to touch her finger tips to his chest. "I want you."

"No," said Spike, as he grasped her wrist before she touched him.

Shocked by the firmness of his reaction – the rejection of it – she pulled her hand back, like she'd been burned.

Spike shook his head. "You don't get to have me if I don' get to have you. Not how it works, sweetheart."

"I'm sor-"

"Stop bloody apologizing!"

"Sorry!" she yelled, and then groaned. "Damn. This is a mess. I should go."

"Run away again?"

"This was a mistake."

"Which bit?"

"The- ugh! I don't know. Spike, I don't know anything!"

She was practically on the verge of tears and, despite being resolute earlier for his own sake, he couldn't bear to see her in pain. He tried to embrace her, but she pulled away.

Like a dog who didn't know whether to offer puppy dog eyes or growl and bark, Spike just stood there, taking her in, with his head titled.

"Things with you were good. So good. And I want that I… I loved that."

Softly he asked, "What's the problem?"

"The problem is I'm scared – no, terrified – of ruining that."

"You can't ruin something good, by adding something else good to it," Spike reasoned.

Buffy shook her head. "You don't understand. I can't love you. I can't allow myself to, because everyone I love leaves, or becomes a great big idiot who makes me cry all the time, or ends up dying in a hospital bed. Everyone I love ends up worse because of it, and it's all my fault. And I won't let myself love you!"

She almost screamed that last part. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, and she didn't care.

Although it was killing him to do nothing – to not hold her, or plead with her further – Spike simply gave a small nod and didn't push her any further. He'd tried trying to talk someone into loving him in the past. Into not leaving him. It never worked.

"Buffy, I…" he hesitated, and then skirted around the 'L' word. "I _care_ for you. And I want you to work this out, because it's not right what you're doin' to y'rself, an' I wanna be the one to help, but I can't be."

She looked at him – surprised at that last bit.

"The thing is," he continued. "As much as I'm willing to go through hell if I think it'll be worth it at the end, me doin' that drags Dawn there, too. An' I'm not doin' that again."

"I understand," said Buffy, in a whimper. Spike held the door for her, as she left.

_To be continued..._


	5. Changing

**A/N:** More angst here. Slightly upsetting topics hinted at. Happier chapters ahead, just not yet.

* * *

><p><span>Changing<span>

Buffy visited the hospital more often than she did her own home. At least, that's what it felt like. It had been a week since things with Spike went down in flames, and she was heading there again. Telling herself with each step that she was right. Love only messes things up, and how her fledgling relationship ended was proof of that.

She was wrong, of course. She knew that – deep down. Things falling apart had been _her_ fault, not love's, but it didn't matter. She was refusing to believe it in an effort to hurt not so damn much. Buffy Summers was utterly determined that she was not going to give into her emotions.

'Today is the day I don't cry anymore,' she told herself. And her resolve lasted all of ten minutes, until her mom got the all clear and was told she'd be back home in time for the holidays.

Mother and daughter hugged for a long time. Buffy didn't want to let go at all, but Joyce eventually needed air.

"Tell me all about this man of yours!" she said with great glee.

"Oh, umm…" Buffy's face dropped. "There's nothing to say, really."

"Come on, I've been waiting to hear this. You said I had to focus on getting better, and now I am. So, spill! You patched things up, right?"

There was more hesitation.

"Oh, Buffy!" Joyce exclaimed.

She continued to try and speak – to defend herself – but failed. There was no defense and she knew it. She'd thrown away her chance with a really good guy out of insecurity, faulty logic, and bad past experiences.

"You didn't even try?"

"I went round there, but- but it…" she shook her head. "It's just a mess."

"Honey," Joyce soothed, as she pulled her daughter in for another hug and stroked her hair. That only made Buffy feel worse, so she was the one to end the embrace that time round.

"I really hurt him, Mom," she finally admitted. "I knew I was doing it, and I didn't want to, but it's like I couldn't help myself. I don't deserve to be comforted."

Joyce looked her deep in the eyes and gave her hand a squeeze. "You are my daughter," she said. "You are hurting and, despite what mistakes you've made, it'll always be my job to comfort you."

"But Mom, I-"

"Buffy, are you sorry for what you've done?"

She nodded.

"Then fix it."

"But-"

"No. It's also my job to correct you. You know you've messed up, so stop making excuses and fix it. I'm not saying try to get back together with this man, just- I don't know. Fix it. You'll find a way."

Buffy nodded again. Her mom was right, as usual. She took a deep breath.

"Okay."

Joyce smiled at her, then ushered her out of the room, only to call her back again.

"Buffy?"

She turned back around at the door. "Yeah?"

"Actions speak louder than words. Remember that."

* * *

><p>"Actions. Actions," she repeated to herself, on the walk home. "Fix things with actions."<p>

Suddenly she knew where she had to go, and she changed direction.

* * *

><p>"Buffy!" Riley exclaimed – face full of smug satisfaction.<p>

She held up a hand.

"Don't be getting any ideas. I came here to tell you I'm involved with someone new. Or, getting involved, which is _totally_ not your business. This is just a friendly warning not to pull that macho jealous crap. Firstly, he's a really sweet guy, and secondly, he has a kid who I really don't want to get caught up in this. Are we clear? I can't have you ruining this." _Especially not after I ruined it._

Her ex's only answer was a glare. After a long moment Buffy heaved a sigh and went to leave. As soon as her back was turned, though, he told her he was joining the military.

"Good," she replied, without looking at him again. "It'll be good for you, I think. Just… be careful, okay?"

Once more her question was met with silence. She walked out and did go home, that time. It was time for stage two: the harder part.

* * *

><p>It took her four attempts to lift the phone, but she eventually made the call. Buffy's fear felt a tiny bit smaller when it was Spike that answered and not Dawn.<p>

"Who's this? He asked, after a few moments of dead air. It was now or never.

"It's me," she said, softly.

"Right." It was amazing how many different emotions could be conveyed in a single word. There was more silence. It was obvious he was waiting for her. Buffy didn't waste time with pleasantries.

"When I was a kid my dad cheated on my mom, and he left us both. For years I thought it was my fault, y'know how most kids do in that situation?"

She could almost hear him nod down the phone.

"Well, anyway. The one time he visited me since he left I said that to him, and didn't tell me I was right to blame myself, or anything, but he didn't correct me either."

"Buffy, you don' need to put yourself over this."

"No. I do. I mean, you're right, I _don't _need to keep putting myself over it, but I need to put myself through it one last time. I can only move on by releasing it. I want to share it with you, and I want you to understand."

"Okay," was all he replied - his voice still thick with emotion.

"Yeah, so that was hit one for Buffy. A little while later my mom met this guy called Ted. He, umm…" her breathing sped up. "Let's just say he made my dad seem like a prince."

"Did he hurt you?" That question was delivered with a single feeling – anger.

Buffy was tempted to lie. "N-not much. It didn't last long, when Mom found out. But I was pretty much a wreck, and then my high school boyfriend came along. He told me he loved me, made me feel so safe with him and then-"

She couldn't finish the sentence, but Spike did it for her. He was a good guesser.

"Took yer virginity and buggered off, that about it?"

Buffy gulped. "Yeah. And then there was-"

"Bloody hell. Buffy, I'm sorry. I don't think I can listen to this."

"Hear me out, please. It's the last bit, and it's not as bad."

Silence returned, and she took that as consent.

"So I had a college boyfriend. We got married, actually, but he was all kinds of insecure. It didn't last long either. I kept going back to this thought that it was all my fault."

Sorrow dripped from his tone when Spike said, "You know it's not."

"I know," she affirmed. "In my head, I know. But my heart's still all kinds of messed up, y'know?"

"Buffy, I-"

"That thing you said to me?" Buffy continued, barreling on through, while she still had courage remaining. "I feel that for you. I just can't say it right now. I understand if it's not, but… can that be enough for you, for now?"

"I'm coming over."


	6. Commitment

Commitment

When Spike rang Buffy's doorbell she was half tempted not to answer it. And she was shaking, slightly, when she finally did. Never before had she felt so vulnerable but, without a word, Spike wrapped her up in his arms and whispered reassurances into her hair. Then the dam broke, and she hung on to him for dear life as she released all the tears she had ever repressed into his shoulder. The shaking got worse, and the reassurances became more ardent.

"I love you, Buffy. Never gonna leave. Not gonna let you go now. My brave girl, I love you so bloody much."

Eventually she relaxed in his arms, and a while after that she tried to pull away, but Spike wouldn't allow it.

"I need you to promise me, Summers, that you're not gonna go back to bottling this up."

She nodded against his neck, and inhaled a deep lungful of his scent. It was comforting. Like coming home, she thought; or finally finding home, for the first time.

Buffy went to speak, but she was thwarted again. "Don't even dare apologize for breaking down like this, you hear me?" Spike released her just enough that he could look in her eyes.

She nodded again, and tried for a smile, but it wavered.

After one final, "I really bloody love you, Summers," Spike pressed his lips to hers, and she felt all her worries wash aside.

Later, when they'd sat down together on her couch, entangled in each others limbs, she still hadn't said anything. Spike said that was okay.

"I know all that stuff you told me was buried deep, an' that it musta hurt to dig it up, but I'm so proud of you for doin' it."

Buffy shook her head slightly and looked away, but he took her chin between his finger and thumb and tilted her face back towards him again.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, other than what you are. I can put up with a bloody lot as long as I know you love me."

"I do," she said, and he beamed at her.

"That means the world, pet. An' when you find the words I'll be there. Until then-" he paused to grasp her hand "-I'll settle for your terms. Won't push you on it. It's more than enough to hold you. T'have you, fully."

She was smiling fully, then. Buffy really didn't think she'd ever smiled so much in her life.

"I love you," she confessed.

Spike's eyes widened, but he had no need to ask if she was just saying it for his sake. It was beyond clear she didn't throw the words around.

"That's a swift turn around," he did comment, though.

"You're a fast mover," she joked. God! How good it felt to joke about things that had her tied up in hurt and bitterness for so long.

Buffy took Spike's free hand, and entwined her fingers with that one as well as she said, "You've given me so much just in these last twenty minutes. I… It feels a little ridiculous saying this, but I feel like a new person."

He grinned at her, leaned in close and said, "Here's to a fresh start," before drawing her lips to his again.

The End

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><p><strong>An:** Epilogue coming soon.


	7. Epilogue: Question

**A/n:** A comedic affair caused by crossed wires. Epilogue, set one year later.

* * *

><p><span>Question<span>

Spike's mum came to visit him and Dawn just before Thanksgiving, and she was planning to stay until New Year. Not only did it make both of _them_ very happy, but it made Buffy and Joyce elated, too. To borrow a phrase from the refined Englishwoman, she was simply _delightful_. And more than that, she was humble about it, like she didn't know her own worth. If you didn't know Spike beyond his superficial snark and swagger you would doubt they were really related, and you'd definitely say they were completely unalike. But over the past year Buffy _had_ got to know her lover even better, and had grown to love him even more deeply. She knew his patented bad-boy heart-of-gold intimately and, scarier than that, he knew hers even better again. The weird thing, she discovered, was that she no longer found that kind of vulnerability scary. Not with him. And, as if that wasn't good enough, Anne approved of Buffy, and she downright adored Joyce. They got on like old friends who'd known each other forever.

Everybody loved everybody else, and everything was perfect, which kind of gave Buffy a small sinking feeling. She told herself not to jinx it, but wasn't there a saying about pride coming before a fall, or the calm coming in the eye of the storm, or something. Good stuff always comes before bad stuff was the general feeling she was left with, meaning _too much _good stuff just _had_ to make bad stuff super-inevitable. Maybe.

Well, anyway, the good days had been rolling steadily when she made a discovery that first birthed the fear of bad days to come within her. It wasn't a bad discovery, but that was exactly the point. Too good to be true. Yeah, that was the phrase she was looking for.

"Huh?" she looked up as she heard her name being called.

"Been tryin' to get your attention for ages, luv. You okay?"

"Yeah, sure," she affirmed. "Right as rain, whatever that means."

Spike gave her a look that told her he wasn't buying into her faux cheeriness, but she got a free pass because there were more pressing matters.

"Remind me how to fold the napkins?" he requested, as he fiddled with one in between his fingers. Buffy laughed, and the tension in her shoulders eased off a little. He was going for a swan, but what he ended up with looked more like a hedgehog. She got up and went into the other room to sort the rest, and re-teach him the technique for the sixteenth time. Except when she followed him in he shut the door and there weren't any napkins in sight; just candles and rose petals.

She turned to him, her fear back with a vengeance – rising up and filling her gut. Buffy thought she might be sick.

"Huh?" she said for a second time that day, as Spike got down on _both _knees in front of her. They guy never really did _anything_ by halves, she could give him that. Except that she couldn't. All she offered was a first class impersonation of a goldfish as she gaped at him.

'No, _no_. This can't be happening!' she thought, franticly, and she wasn't sure if she also said it out loud, or Spike read it on her face, but he suddenly looked very grave and stood up again.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

"What? No! How could you say that? I love you!"

He shook his head. "I don't understand."

Tears welled in her eyes, and she looked down in a bid to control them. "You're breaking up with me?"

"What?"

"I can't believe you're doing this."

"Buffy?"

"No," her eyes snapped onto his again. "You can't do this to me. Not now. We're so happy." She knew she sounded like a child but she didn't care.

The words 'Are you serious?' were on the tip of Spike's tongue, but it had became clear to him that she was. Very serious.

"Buffy, I'm not breaking up with you!"

"Oh, yeah, because you're the one with the promises, and the love, and now you wanna end things and, wait, what?"

He was laughing at her. He was stood there genuinely laughing at her. She couldn't believe it.

"What's happening?" she asked, trying her best to sound confident, like she already knew and wasn't the most confused she'd ever been in like, ever.

Spike took her hand and wiped her cheek. "You're the only woman alive who could be brought somewhere with candles, rose petals, soft music-"

There was a brief pause, and she noticed that there actually was music playing. She hadn't really heard it before, in her panic.

"The only woman who could have 'er soul mate down on one knee in front of her-"

"Two knees!" Buffy interrupted to correct him.

"Down on_ two_ knees, and jump to the other end of the bleedin' spectrum of ideas about what's going on. I think it's why I love you."

The goldfish look had returned, but before another 'huh' could be uttered, Spike spelled out the right way of the situation for her.

"I'm askin' you to marry me, you daft chit."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Oh. Oh no. I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Spike felt the rejection begin to descend from the sky, but it didn't settle as he realized her nausea wasn't a dramatic metaphor and she had to rush to the sink.

He held her hair, and when she was done he got her a glass of cold water and rubbed her back. That brought him back to his earlier question. The first one.

"Are you okay?"

She looked at him, deathly seriously – like she were decoding a bomb, then exploded into a joyous expression as she exclaimed. "I'm _engaged_!"

Spike beamed at her, and he hugged her close, and he span her around until she felt ill again. And when she calmed down and reassured him _wasn't_ going to barf again he kissed her. The number one thing Buffy loved about Spike, she decided, was that he loved her despite the craziness that was her. Or, as he said earlier, _because_ of it. She burst out laughing.

"I really am special, huh?"

"Yeah, pet."

"Can we tell the others?"

"Lead the way!"

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><p>As they walked into the lounge and stood before three expectant faces, there was silence. Spike waited a moment, then made his announcement.<p>

"She said yes!"

The room erupted with cheers and happiness and, when it died down a little, Spike and Buffy embraced once more; kissed more deeply and passionately than ever.

"I love you," Buffy told him.

"Yeah, reckon I quite like you too," he replied, with a wink.

Buffy slapped him playfully. "Just for that? No kiss under the mistletoe."

Spike chuckled.

"Hey, I'm being serious!" Buffy insisted, with a pout.

"Sure. Like you could keep your hands off me."

Narrowing her eyes, she leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "Didn't mention anything about hands." Then she erupted into giggles as he grabbed her and peppered her faces with kisses.

Dawn was shaking her head at their antics as she smiled brightly at them.

When Buffy had calmed down a little she leaned in close to_ her_ ear.

"Hey Dawn," she whispered. "Can you keep a secret?"

The girl nodded.

"How would you feel about an addition to the family?"

"Oh my god! We're getting a puppy?!"

Okay, so maybe Buffy wasn't the _only_ one who completely missed the point. She'd explain it to her later.


End file.
